Reading Week Meeting

Alrighty, here's the original write-up of my story idea, like I promised. It's pretty rough and needs some work, so feel free to leave comments on how you think it should be improved and edited.


Ted is an explorer with his girlfriend/wife, Judith. As they're heading through the jungle, they stumble upon a temple overgrown by a massive tree. He carefully explores the outside of the temple, but Judith, being overly curious, rushes right in to the darkened entrance. Ted is afraid to go in b/c he doesn't know what's inside, and because it's very dark. He calls for his Judith, and she yells back for him to come quick.
Ted makes his way into the temple, stumbling through the darkness. After a ways, he finds his way lit by glowing crystals embedded in the wall carvings. He turns a corner to see Judith enter into a cavernous room. Its roof has been cracked by the roots of the tree, and sunlight trickles in from above.
At the far side is a large, monstrous, statue holding a glowing orb with a pulsing black center. Judith, entranced by the orb, reaches for it. From the other side of the room Ted yells for her to stop, but she doesn't hear him. As she touches it, the doors of the room slam down, the light from the roof disappears, and green fire from braziers circling the room light up.
The orb begins to glow as it absorbs Judith's life force. She drops to the ground, and the statue's eyes light up. Ted runs over to her as it slowly begins to move, placing the orb into a socketed cavity in its chest. He grabs her body, and runs towards the doors. When the orb locks into place, the stone covering the monster falls, revealing its true form as a shadow being. The orb sinks into the shadow's chest, glowing weirdly from within.
Ted hammers on the door, trying to get out, but it's solid rock. The shadow starts stomping towards him, so he pulls a gun out of his pack. It gets closer, and Ted fires at it, and the shots punch gaping holes that quickly refill with darkness. The monster pauses, roars, and swipes large chunks of rubble at Ted.
Ted ducks behind cover, avoiding the rocks, but he's left Judith's body defenseless, and the shadow has made that his new target. He jumps up and runs out of cover, trying to attract the monster's attention. It turns back towards him, and he shoots at it again. One of his shots nicks the orb as it passes through. The orb flashes brightly, and the monster falls to its knees. It lumbers over to Ted and grabs him up. It lifts him to its face, but Ted frees his arms and shoots a hole through its head. It drops him, clawing at where its head ways, blinded until it reforms.
Ted stumbles when he lands, but sees that the monster is vulnerable, so he unloads his gun at the orb, finally shattering it. The orb explodes with a blinding light, obliterating the shadow and extinguishing the braziers. When the light fades, the room has returned to normal, the door grinds open, and Ted picks himself off the ground. He rushes over to Judith's body and holds her close to him. Suddenly, she draws a breath and opens her eyes, and Ted is ecstatic. “What happened? How'd I get here?” “You wouldn't believe me if I told you.” Ted chuckles, helps her up. He spots a shine where the monster was standing, and walks over. In the remains of the orb is a good-sized jewel. He picks it up, gives it to Judith, and they walk out of the temple.



Obviously, I'm missing the proposal idea, as well as Kyle's much-improved ending. Otherwise, I think it's a pretty solid base.